I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
