should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
