just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just invented taco cereal.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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