Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
