Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
