hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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