i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
