I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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