and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
