Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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