jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
