Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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