I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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