You really coming over, don't trick.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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