I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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