he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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