I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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