Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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