I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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