some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
