you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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