I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize