I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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