im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
