ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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