You're so nebulous sometimes
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
