To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
