recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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