So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize