Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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