so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
