is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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