HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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