We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
