we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
