you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize