Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
