I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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