That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
