Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize