Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
