when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
