you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
