Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
