You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
handjob tips. give me some.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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