Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
