i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
