Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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