I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize