We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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