Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
