So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You don't make any sense
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