Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
too bad you live with your parents still
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize