So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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