Kiss
Puke
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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