You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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