And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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