Please, let me fuck your mom
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this beer tastes like vomit already
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Enjoy the penises
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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