He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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