Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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