I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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