Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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